Khan's Magical Quest of Undoubtedly Noble Cause
by WrittenByHedgehogs
Summary: Khan needs the Enterprise crew to join him on a magical quest. He's definitely good this time. Right? A parody based on both Star Trek: The Original series and 2009 Trek. No pairings, just insanity. (Warning: Total crack.)
1. Kirk Acts Like Himself

_((Note: You can imagine it any way you want, but this is how I wrote the characters: Original Kirk, Original/2009 Spock, Original/2009 Uhura, Original Chekov, 2009 Sulu, Original Scotty, STID Khan. It's still out of character regardless, because this is a parody. Some names will be incorrect, too))_

**Khan's Magical Quest of Undoubtedly Noble Cause**

**Part One: The Infiltration**

**Chapter One: Kirk Acts Like Himself**

"You're not actually going to go down to that planet," said Doctor Bones.

"Shut up, Bones,"said Kirk. "I don't need your medical advice. Spock and I are going down to this planet. And we are going to beat up all the aliens."

"But Captain," protested Spock. "I am also an alien."

"Shut up, Spork." William Shatner pulled out his Communicator. "Scotchy! Can you hear me?"

Scotchy could not hear Kirk.

"Dammit!" said Kirk. "The transporters are broken! Looks like we'll need to get down there the old fashioned way!"


	2. Spock Does Not Need Oxygen

**Chapter Two: Spock Does Not Need Oxygen**

"Mister Spock, this is how we are gonna get to the planet," said Jim. "You are gonna throw me towards the planet, and you will then jump down after me. We will then land safely on the planet's rocky surface."

"But Captain," said Spock. "My survival is not likely. You are the only one with a source of oxygen and space protection. I would die."

"We both know that's a load of crap," muttered Kirk. "Vulcans don't need as much air. Remember seven years ago we all had to go to Vulcan because there was that pon farr thing and I almost died because needed more oxygen that you did while we were fighting? My shirt ripped and everyone could see my very sexy chest."

"That was quite hot," said Spock. "I am of course referring to my home planet's surface."

"Of course. And seven years isn't going to change your respiratory system that much."

"Your logic may be flawed," Spock admitted. "But I am willing to follow your plan."

Kirk put on the helmet of the only space suit. "Don't be nervous, Spock. You don't need oxygen." He pressed the button to open the airlock.

They both were instantly blown out into space.

The gravity of the planet was really strong so they both landed on the surface of the planet.

"Captain, it seems as though you are correct," said Spock. "I do not need oxygen."

Kirk was not able to respond to Spock because when he landed he hit his head on a very sharp rock. His blood soaked the ground. He was dead.

Spock looked down at his dead friend. Then he looked up at the sky. "The fall must have killed him. I am sad now," Spock gasped. "No, no, no, no! I must not let my emotions show! I am Vulcan! Must not let them show!"

Spock fell to his knees and started sobbing.

He was sobbing so loud that he didn't hear the footsteps behind him.

A voice broke through the sobbing. A very amazing voice.

"I can save him."


	3. Spock Discovers That Guy

**Chapter Three: Spock Discovers That Guy**

Spock looked up from William Shatner's dead body. (Though some may argue it was really Chris Pine.) "What?" he said.

"Your friend. I can save him."

Suddenly Spock recognized him. "NO!" he shouted. "You are that guy!"

The truth was that this was that guy. Not the one some may be thinking of. No. He didn't have gray hair, or greasy hair. (Okay, maybe a bit greasy but it wasn't that bad.) He was the one with the interesting clothing and the huge leaf blower-like gun.

Spock didn't trust him.

"Please, I can save him," repeated that guy.

"NOPE," shouted Spock. He pulled out his phaser and shot that guy forty five times in the face. "KHAAAAAAAAN!" he yelled.

There was blood all over Khan's face. Spock scooped it up and dumped it all over Kirk's body. The Shatner was alive again.

"To breathe again," he breathed.

"What," said Spock.

"What," said Kirk.

"It appears to be that Khan has returned," said Spock. "I used his blood to revive you. I am such a good friend."

"Ew, gross!" said Kirk. "Why is he on the ground like that?"

Spock smiled a Vulcan smile, which isn't really a smile at all. "I shot him forty five times in the face."

"On Stun or Kill?"

"Kill."

"Good job, Mister Spock. Being dead sucks. Forget about beating up aliens. We need to get his body on board the Enterprise." Kirk pulled out his communicator. "Scotchy, do you hear me?"

Scotchy did not hear him.

"Captain, Lieutenant Commander Scott has been in a coma for the past two weeks."

"OK FINE. Let me call his sort of girlfriend who's also sort of your girlfriend." Kirk opened his communicator again. "Ensign Chekov, we need you down to the transporter room to beam us up and also beam up a dead guy who happens to be our arch nemesis. We are entirely sure that he's dead. Please inform Doctor Bones that he needs to prep the medical bay for his arrival."

"Я могу сделать это," said Chekov.

"Thank you, Ensign," Kirk said kirkily.

Minutes later, Captain Kirk and Spock and Khan's body were all beamed up to the Starship Enterprise.

Some people with different colored shirts were there to take Khan's body to the medical bay. As they took the definitely dead body away, Kirk realized that he was covered in Khan blood.

"I could use a shower," he said, awkwardly close to Spock's face.

"Yes," said Spock. "I am going to go visit Lieutenant Commander Scott. He is after all in a coma."

"Yeah, yeah, okay, just don't bother me," Kirk said as Spock left. "I'm gonna take a shower. In my room. Because I look much better than Khan does when he takes a shower no matter what anyone says. Because he's dead and I'm awesome."


	4. Doctor Bones Examines Khan

**Chapter Four: Doctor Bones Examines Khan**

"Yep, he's dead alright," said Doctor Bones.

"Are you certain?" asked Spock, who had come in there to see Montgomery Scotch. (He was still in a coma.) Khan was on one of the examination tables.

"He couldn't be any more dead, you crazy hobgoblin. Look! His face is covered in blood!"

Khan's beautiful face was indeed covered in blood.

"It is time I trust your opinions," said Spock. "I trust you to examine him and learn more about this advanced human species. For science."

"What else would I do with him?"

"Do not feed him to tribbles like you tried with the last cadaver. You are well aware of what happens when they get a taste for human flesh."

"Of course I am! We lost eleven percent of the crew!" said Doctor Bones.

"I am glad you remember and resent your actions," said Spock. "I am leaving now."

Spock left.

"Okey dokey," said Doctor Bones. "Let's see what happened, you crazy conqueror. KHAN-queror. Ha. I bet that's why that's your name."

"Benedict Cumberbatch is my name."

"...What."

"I SAID MY NAME IS KHAN!"

Khan (he was alive the whole time) sat up and punched Doctor Bones so hard he flew across the room, hitting the opposite wall. He landed on the floor butt first. It really hurt.

Khan ran over to Doctor Bones and kicked his ribcage really hard. He picked him up, throwing him into one of the supply closets. He slammed the door shut.

"I have successfully infiltrated the Enterprise!" he cackled in his amazing voice. "But I can't fulfill my mission when I look like a dead man. I need to take a shower. A shower of EVIL. But where can I find a shower fit for the mighty Khan?"


	5. Kirk Takes The Worst Shower of His Life

**Chapter Five: Kirk Takes The Worst Shower of His Life And Spock Notices Something Strange**

Kirk was busy being his Shatnery self, and using all the hot water of the Enterprise.

He was in his captain's quarters, using the captain shower. It was different from all the other showers because it was bigger and had fancy soap.

"Alone at last," sighed Kirk as he used his strawberry cheesecake flavored shampoo. "I'm sick of all these stupid enemies showing up when all I wanna do is beat up some aliens."

Suddenly the doors to the bathroom whooshed open.

"Get out," grumbled a mysteriously amazing voice.

"Excuse me?" asked Kirk. He had just started using his peach-bacon conditioner.

"There is only one shower fit for me on this pathetic ship, and that is this shower. Now get out!" roared Khan.

There was a pause.

"Aren't you that guy whose blood saved me? Twice?"

"Yes."

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN. That's your name, right?"

"Yes."

"And... you want ME to give up this amazing shower. For your use."

"Yes."

"And you're probably gonna be a big jerk about it and use all my gourmet shampoos."

"Yes. Now get out."

* * *

Spock was walking down one of the Enterprise's many corridors when he saw the captain running past him. He was wearing an expensive looking towel.

"Captain?"

"SPOCK! I just took the worst shower of my life!" He started sobbing. His bubbly hair smelled like peaches and bacon.

"Perhaps you could put on some clothing?"

"KHAN JUST STOLED MY SHOWER FROM ME!"

"That is quite impossible" said Spock. "Khan is dead."

"NO! He's in my shower, probably taking a stupid shower of evil. Don't you get it, Spock?!" He grabbed Spock by the shoulders. "I'M LOSING COMMAND! And now he's probably _urinating_ in my shower because he's the kind of sicko who would do that!"

Spock was unsure whether to believe Kirk. He looked crazy. His eyes were red from all the sobbing and peachy shampoo running into them. "Where is Doctor Bones?" he asked calmly.

"How should I know?"

"You should go find some clothes and send some security to your bathroom. I will find Doctor Bones."

"Don't tell me what to do." Kirk stalked off in search of clothing.

Spock ran as fast as his Vulcan legs would allow until he reached the medical bay. There was no sign of a struggle or violence. Everything was clean. The only staff member in there was... Nurse Chapel. Dang it.

"Nurse! Where is Doctor Bones?!"

Nurse Chapel turned away from Scotchy. "Oh," she said. "Hello, Spock... How can I help you today?"

"Where is Doctor Bones?!"

"Fine. Since you don't want to talk to me I guess I won't help you," she huffed. "No, but I seriously have no idea where he is. I've just been monitoring Scotchy. Now can you get me a hypo from the closet?"

"Now is really not the time for me to help you protect the lives of our fellow crew members. All I want to do right now is find Doctor Bones" said Spock, opening the closet.

Inside the closet.

There he was.

Doctor Bones.

_Dead._

"Khan," gasped Spock. "You massive turd."


	6. Uhura Reads English To Kirk

**Chapter Six: Uhura Reads English To Kirk**

By the time Kirk's security got to the bathroom, Khan had left.

He had used all of the raspberry-citrus flavored shampoo. _Curses_, thought Kirk. _He probably smells absolutely fabulous now. I would have smelled fabulous if he'd let me take my shower and not intruded like some stupid bathroom intruder. Yeah..._

"Captain," said Ensign Chester. "He left a note."

Kirk pushed Ensign Chester out of his way. "Where? I don't see anything."

"It was written under the toilet seat... In gold crayon."

"What's a crayon?"

"A wax drawing utensil made for children, used from the early twentieth to mid twenty first centuries-"

"Outta my way!" interrupted Kirk, pushing Ensign Chester against the wall. The young ensign tripped over a towel Khan rudely left on the floor, falling and cracking his head against the toilet seat. His blood spilled on the floor.

Kirk stepped carefully over the young ensign's body in order to get a better look at the toilet seat. Through the blood spatters, he could see Khan's elegant handwriting.

The captain flipped open his communicator. "Lieutenant Uhura, please come to my bathroom. I forgot I was illiterate."

"On my way, Captain."

Four minutes and eight seconds later, Lieutenant Uhura stepped through the doorway to find Kirk sticking his head strangely close to the toilet as Ensign Chester laid dead on the floor next to him.

"Can you read this for me, Lieutenant?"

Five minutes of arguing and explaining later, this is what Uhura read from Khan's fancy handwriting.

**Mister Kirk-**

**I assume you are currently being read to by your xenolinguistics officer as you sit on the floor next to one of your fallen inferiors. (I assure you that I do in fact smell "fabulous.") Consider this note to be a proposition. I, for one, consider the infiltration of the U.S.S. Enterprise only a minor step in my quest to save all that is dear to me, but I can see benefit on both of our parts. What I want is a group to assist me on this mission. Seeing as my crew has once again gone missing, a portion of your crew would make a satisfactory replacement for the time being.**

**What is in it for you? I have killed your chief medical officer. The horrendous mess you call your chief engineer is not likely to ever wake. I shall revive them both if you accept my offer. I assure you my cause is good.**

**You may let me continue my quest, or let two of the U.S.S. Enterprise's greatest assets be lost forever. The choice is yours.**

**Sincerely,**

**Khan Noonien Singh**

There was silence between Kirk and Uhura for some time. Uhura couldn't believe that someone could be so manipulating, although it was no different than the last times she had come into contact with him. That was Khan's nature. She knew that. Their only chances now were the hope that maybe Doctor Bones was not dead, and the hope that Khan didn't have as much power as he had in the past.

"That turd," said Kirk. "He made a complete mess of my bathroom."

"Is Doctor Bones actually dead?"

The bathroom doors slid open. In came Spock, his fists clenched in out-of-character anger. "Doctor Bones is dead. Khan killed him."

"Well, Khan is somewhere on the ship," said Uhura. "He made us an offer. Read this note."

"Wait a moment."

Four seconds later...

"Captain, I highly advise against any negotiations with Khan," Spock said cautiously.

"Shut up, Spork!" said Kirk. "This is Doctor Bones we're talking about! And Scotchy. But mostly Doctor Bones. Khan may be a snot-faced pig, but we can't just let him stay dead!"

"Even if we were to accept his offer, who would we send with him?" asked Uhura.

"It would be logical to send the lowest ranked crew members, if necessary." said Spock.

There was a pause.

"That settles it," said Kirk, getting up off the floor. He stepped back over Ensign Chester's bloody corpse. "We'll just send the usual. Me, you two, Doctor Bones and Scotchy when they're ready, Chekov, and Sulu. We can't afford to lose any red shirts this time," he said, looking down wistfully at Ensign Chester.

"Captain," said Spock. "I feel that it is my duty to question your choice of away team for this quest. Do you really wish to hand over to Khan our captain, first officer, chief medical officer, chief engineer, and half of the bridge crew?"

"Do we ever do anything else?" said Kirk. " I'm the captain. This is my order. I say that we send all these important people with Khan to help with his quest. All we need to do now is find him."

"I wholly agree with that decision," echoed a deep voice in the ceiling.

Khan jumped down from the sudden hole in the ceiling. "I will hold up my end of the deal, and revive your two friends." he said, shaking dust out of his rather awesome hair.

"Once we are certain that they have completely restored heath, what will happen next?" asked Spock.

Khan smiled creepily. "You all will join me," he said. "On a magical quest of undoubtedly noble cause."

_**To Be Continued...**_


	7. The Crew Is Not Happy With Kirk

**Khan's Magical Quest of Undoubtedly Noble Cause**

**Part Two: Helping Out Khan**

**Chapter Seven: The Crew Is Not Happy With Kirk**

Doctor Bones was angry for several reasons.

Just a few minutes ago he was dead. Now he was sitting on the floor, having fallen off one of the Med Bay beds after getting Khan's disgusting blood all over him. And he was just hearing the news that he would have to join said Khan in a "magical quest."

"What?!" he had immediately interrupted. "You kill me to use my life as leverage while you convince the crew to help you with whatever evil-"

"Shut up, Bones," said Kirk. "We don't need your stupid medical advice. Listen, Khan here has clearly stated that he isn't doing any evil. His cause is good. 'Undoubtedly noble,' as he said earlier."

"Captain..." said Uhura.

"I don't know, Captain," said Scotchy. "How can you be sure Khan won't just manipulate us in order to fulfill his plans to conquer all inferior beings and cause untold chaos and destruction throughout the universe?"

Kirk sighed. "Gosh, Scotchy. I already explained this. Khan is being GOOD. Why can't-"

The Med Bay doors slid open. Sulu and Chekov burst in, breathing heavily.

"Капитан!" shouted Chekov. " Хан возвращается! Он находится в здесь, прямо сейчас! Мы должны остановить его, пока не стало слишком поздно!"

"Captain, it's Khan," said Sulu. He stopped in his tracks as he saw Khan glaring at him. "Captain?" he started.

"Khan is on our side," explained Kirk. "Or rather, we're on his side now. The seven of us are contractually obligated to join him on a magical quest."

Khan sat quietly on the other side of the room, surveying the scene with little amusement. "Lieutenant Commander Sulu has the right to be wary. Perhaps I can ease in conscience with an explanation for my actions."

**Khan's Side of the Story- Two Weeks Earlier**

_I was asleep in my cryotube._

_All was well._

_I was at peace after that appalling incident involving the USS Vengeance. I could finally sleep and wait for the future. I could dream about crushing skulls. And conquering galaxies. But mostly crushing skulls, especially Admiral Marcus's skull. (He really should have let me sleep.)_

_Anyway, the point is that I was sleeping. And I was frozen. That is how cryotubes work._

_So you can imagine how I was be able to protect my crew, when someone had decided to enter the secure location where we all were... And then decided to steal, no, abduct my crew in their vulnerable state. I was completely incapacitated. Though for some reason, the scoundrel who committed that heinous act took only the seventy two cryotubes._

_The only one left was myself._

_I found myself in my cryotube, completely stabilized. Someone had woken me up. And he or she had unfrozen me. I could tell because my skin had returned to its normal cold and pale state. Also, I could move._

_My first reaction upon seeing the empty room was panic. _

_My panic heightened as I noticed that there was a note taped to my forehead. This is what it said:_

**_Khan-_**

**_Your crew is mine. And now that you are awake, you can mourn for them properly. Thank you for your cooperation. Do not come looking for me._**

**_Love,_**

**_I'm not actually going to tell you my name._**

**_PS: If you did come looking for me, you'd want to start with Vela Four. Not that I'm telling you to come. But if you did, then that's where you'd go. But just ignore that. Stay where you are. Sorry. I'm really bad at notes. Never mind, okay? Just pretend you never read that._**

_After reading the note, I knew I had to find the menace who did this. I escaped the room through some flooring tiles, and made my way onto a public street. Looking back on it, I can recognize that I was still in the 23rd century, and it could not have been more than a few months since I had gone to sleep._

_But I was blind with rage. I ran through the streets, knocking over several people and stepping on lots of children._

_I may have crushed some skulls, though I cannot be sure. It was all a bit of a blur._

_I slept in a dumpster that night. My thoughts were filled with despair. I was hopeless._

_But it was on that pile of garbage I had an epiphany. Suddenly, I knew that I could find help. There was one main issue, though: How would I convince them to help me?_

(PRESENT TIME)

"I realized that in order to find the abductor of my crew, I would need to abduct my own crew," said Khan. "And you, the crew of the Enterprise, are the only crew worthy of my greatness. So you all are going to help me get my crew back safely. This way-"

Khan was interrupted by a disgusting snort-like noise. He turned his head, staring towards the direction of the disturbing sound.

It was Kirk, who was loudly sobbing in the back of the room. "Sorry," he said, his voice breaking. "Go on. I'm fine." He covered his mouth, trying to quiet his sobbing and failing.

Doctor Bones rolled his eyes. Spock raised an eyebrow.

"As I was saying..." Khan continued. "This way I can extract revenge. I promise that I wish no harm against any of you."

Doctor Bones laughed. "I don't care how much of this chapter you take up with your little story. You killed me, made Spock angry, and now Jim is sobbing!"

"No, I'm not!"

"I don't care!" snapped Doctor Bones. "Khan, I'm not going to trust you."

"I'm afraid that does not matter," Khan said. "The agreement was that if I revive you and Scotch, then you all must be my crew for the time being."

"Come on, Bonesy!" sniffled Kirk. "Have a bit of respect! This man has come to us for our help. All he wants is for us to help him get his crew back. I would definitely call upon his crew if I were in his position."

Khan looked concerned. "If you ever are in this situation, Mister Kirk, please never do that."

"Yeah, Khan you not?" said Scotchy.

"Подождите, вы на Tumblr?" Chekov asked him.

Kirk was crestfallen, but recovered immediately. "Okay, if you are in favor of helping Khan find his crew in return for letting Doctor Bones live, raise your hand," said Kirk, raising his hand immediately.

Spock put up his hand.

Sulu and Chekov raised their hands reluctantly.

After a few awkward seconds of Khan glaring at everyone in the room, Uhura and Scotchy raised their hands. The only one left was Doctor Bones.

"That's fine," said Kirk. "Doctor Bones's vote does not count because he was previously dead."

"How does that-"

"You have to come with us. There's no debate. Stop being such a loser. Khan here is the bravest, kindest, sexiest man I have ever known, and we are helping him no matter what you say."

"Where do we even start?" asked Sulu.

"We follow what the note said. We go to Vela Four ." said Kirk, looking mysteriously into the distance.

Uhura gasped. "Isn't that-"

"Yes," Khan said darkly. "The planet made entirely of toxic candy."


	8. Chekov Feels Neglected

((Hey, thanks for the reviews! I wrote this here chapter while I had a fever, so hopefully the discomfort and eternal sadness has leaked into the story! No, I'm just kidding. It's not too sad. Or scary. It's pretty SWEET, actually. *deranged laughter*))

**Chapter Eight: Chekov Feels Neglected**

Uhura and Spock piloted the shuttlecraft as Khan majestically gave instructions.

Kirk, Sulu, Doctor Bones, Scotchy and Chekov were all sitting in the back. The craft was approaching the fluffy atmosphere of Vela Four.

Kirk looked nostalgically out the window. "Toxic candy. That really brings back memories of Starfleet," he sighed.

"So that's what messed up your head," Doctor Bones realized.

The angle of the craft changed as pink and blue clouds came into sight. Chekov stepped over to the window, pressing his face against the glass. "Так много конфет..." he said.

"Sorry, Chekov," said Sulu. "You can't eat any of that. It's toxic, remember? You don't want that. You'll become like Kirk."

Chekov looked disgusted. He pulled away from the window and sat down dejectedly.

"It is quite curious," said Spock from the front. "The entire planet has essentially evolved to act as bait. Everything that can be classified as plant life on Vela Four is both toxic and carnivorous."

"But it all looks like... candy?" asked Uhura.

Kirk squinted out the window. "Seriously, Khan, I thought that the note would lead somewhere a bit more menacing." The shuttlecraft landed with a thud. "The ground is marshmallows, for Roddenberry's sake."

"Do not underestimate the threat," Evil Cumberbatch argued. "The harsh environment of this planet has caused every attempt of colonization to result in failure."

"Aye, he's right, you know," said Scotchy. "Fifty years ago, Earth established this heevin colony on Vela Four. Not twenty minutes after settin' up, five colonists exploded after tasting a wee bit of chocolate that was on the ground. The rest didn't last a week. They were all a bunch of bampots, if you ask me."

Kirk nodded, pretending he knew exactly what was going on. "So basically... Don't eat the candy."

Spock unfastened his seat belt. "That would be a logical course of action. I recommend that we immediately begin searching for the captor of Khan's crew. Or perhaps we will be able to find traces of their presence."

"Okay, EVERYONE OUT," commanded Kirk. As they all piled out of the shuttlecraft, Kirk turned, putting his face intimidatingly close to Chekov's. "Ensign, I am trusting you with the keys to this shuttlecraft."

"Капитан, мне некуда положить их," said Chekov. "Я в конечном итоге потерять их, то все будут кричать на меня, и я буду грустить. Как обычно."

Kirk smiled. "Thank you, Ensign. I can always rely on you. You know, when I was your-"

"Oh my," interrupted Sulu. "Look at this place."

The ground, as Kirk had helpfully pointed out earlier, was entirely made of marshmallows. There was a tree made entirely of fudge, which was Doctor Bones's favorite candy (though he stopped eating it years ago because of depressing health reasons). There was a lot of grass that was made of candy that looked like grass. There was a dense forest made of black forest cake. There were rocks made of rock candy, and shrubs made of shrub candy. Basically, it was a lot of candy.

"It looks like we've got ourselves into..." Kirk pulled on a pair of dark sunglasses, turning towards Khan. "a sticky situation."

Khan stared blankly at Kirk.

So did Spock. And basically everyone else.

"Well," said Doctor Bones. "I say we start looking for this captor person before it gets dark. We don't want the liquorice grizzlies to find us before we can get back to the shuttlecraft. Does anyone besides Jim have a genius plan?"

"Shut up, Bones. I make the plans around here," snapped Kirk. "Now, I saw in a movie once that it's a good idea to split up big groups when they're searching for something. So I am going to split us all up now."

"Oh, this is just great!" Doctor Bones said, rolling his eyes.

"To make it fair, I'm going to randomly assign the groups," explained Kirk. "Okay. Group Alpha #1 A-Team will consist of me, Spock, and Khan."

Doctor Bones frowned intensely.

"Group Two will include Doctor Bones, Scotchy, Uhura, and Sulu." stated Kirk.

"Captain, you forgot Chekov," said Sulu.

Kirk paused. "No, I'm not done yet," he shook his head. "Group Omega-Z Final Desperation C-Team will consist of... Ensign Chekov."

Chekov stared blankly at Kirk. "Зарегистрируйтесь в Звездный Флот, сказали они," he mumbled. "Это будет хороший опыт, сказали они. Ваш капитан будет хорошим образцом для подражания, сказали они.

"Alright, guys. Group Alpha #1 A-Team is going to go that way," instructed Kirk, pointing in a direction. "Group Two will go that way, and Group Omega-Z Final Desperation C-Team is encouraged to travel as directionally opposite to the first two groups as possible. Any questions?"

"Aye-"

"Good. Let's go. Like what Doctor Bones said, we don't want to run into those liquorice grizzlies. Now remember, don't. Eat. The. Candy. Come on, Spock and Khan. We've got some villainy to intercept. No offense, Khan."

Khan glared, following him. "None taken, Mister Kirk," he said through gritted teeth.

Doctor Bones sighed. "Let's go, Group Two. I guess we've got an abductor to find." He and the rest of Group Two sauntered in the direction Kirk had indicated.

Chekov, finally all alone, looked up at the jelly beans growing above his head. He shook his head and sighed. It was already beginning to grow dark. "Теперь это то, что я называю «окончательного отчаяния""


End file.
